Understanding Alcohol

Give me coffee for the things I can change, Tequila for those I can’t

I went to a bar at tender age of 12. I sat in that poorly lit bar, watching my older , one 14 & other 15 year old friends drink up. We were so poor (as compared to today’s teenagers) they could barely manage to buy one small peg each of extremely cheap but “videshi” alcohol.None of them offered me a drink because I was “too young to drink”, but promised me in next couple of years , they would “welcome you to adulthood with your first drink” …”party from ourside”.

Over years I have been a regular at drink fests. Often the only teetotaler on the table, I was found to be highly useful as a motorcycle driver as well as an accountant to verify that hotel has not overcharged us. Over the years as I stayed as a bachelor in various places, my apartments were used as safe heavens by people who wanted to get drunk without any disturbance or judgments. My willingness to divide the bill equally ,even the alcohol bill used to bolster my credentials which would generally be dented by my refusal to consume alcohol.

Over this time my ability to listen to any crap, keep it to myself and not repeat whatever was done or said to anyone enhanced my reputation tremendously. From my side I hold the sanctity of teetotaler drunkard privilege and consider it to be as important as attorney client or therapist patient privilege. Hence I ever never shared who threw up when, who fumbled, who stumbled, who kissed whom, who was about to strip , who quarreled, who wept… with anyone the next day. Not only that I refuse to shame, blackmail or mention it the next day even to person who commits these acts.

All along I can describe my experience to be enjoyable, the “chakhana” to be tasty and post party shenanigans of dropping people home, cleaning up their puke , helping them give excuses to bosses or spouses to be mildly discomforting but tolerable. The only thing that I am shit scared of is when they insist that they drive me home. I can proudly say that I never committed the blasphemy almost every teetotaler commits i.e. ask the drunk one infuriating questions like “Why do you drink?”, “Why do you drink so much?”. “Our friendship ends if you don’t stop drinking.You value our friendship or bottle? “, “Do you even think about your wife and kids when you drink?” etc.

Let me be honest though. For years one question I have asked repeatedly is “Why do people drink? What is this grip alcohol has over people?”. I found answers to this question in last 14 odd months through my own journey, a journey that did not involve alcohol. I do not claim to have right answers but those I have satisfy me.

My father passed away in May 19. He was the closest I have been to any human being. He was my father, friend, role model. The events around his death and the things that happened with him for 4/5 years before that , left me extremely angry , perplexed and feeling abandoned/betrayed. For last 4/5 years I had resorted to binge watching TV shows, especially crime shows & had realized that after watching them I felt hugely relaxed & relieved.

This year 12 months after my father’s death, I felt a sudden calm coming back to me, the kind I have always felt till 4/5 years back. The stress, the guilt, the anger seems to have disappeared and so has the urge to binge watch these shows. This entire episode gave me answer to the unanswered question “Why people drink?” ..My answer is

ALCOHOL IS A THERAPIST, ALCOHOL IS A SHRINK

Once one starts framing alcohol consumption this way, everything makes sense. Crime shows often involve human misery, extreme human pain & by and large in the end good triumphs , bad guy is punished. It is an emotional roller coaster which I got used to & it gave me massive emotional relief , outlet. Alcohol works in same way.

As you start looking at how people consume alcohol , how much, when with whom you can put all pieces together. By and large, people like to consume alcohol in familiar surroundings. They prefer one bar , often same table, same set of buddies, same drink even same waiter. This creates an incredibly safe environment for them to let loose their emotions. They usually will complain that in presence of certain elements like a stranger or boss they can’t get a high. The reason I see is that this lowers their feeling of safety. It impacts their ability to let go adversely

Also look at how people react when they are high. Men resort to some very unmanly things like crying/weeping. I do not know any women who cry after they are drunk but I know many women who start smiling or even laughing uncontrollably. There are quiet a few usually silent characters who become talkative, combative when drunk. In our society weeping/crying by a man is frowned up while women laughing loudly is considered not to be ladylike. I have known women who tend to flirt even get tempted to strip when they are drunk. Men hug men more when they are drunk.

I had a very handsome friend who would drink every night. You know who you are, won’t break Teetotaler Alcoholic privilege ever. So this friend would flirt with many women and would get invitations from all kinds of women young girls, married ladies etc. He would never cross the threshold and would actually run away every time the woman started demanding something more than flirting. He stopped drinking once he got married. The everyday tussle between the desires and the Sanskars used to be too much for him & alcohol used to be his therapist.

I had another friend who would drink every night while his wife is at home. On days when his wife would be out of town, either for work or staying with her parents, he won’t drink.

Deaths, Breakups, Marriages, Exams, Exam Results all cause immense anxiety. The bachelor parties are wild expression of groom’s anxieties and jealousy of his friends.

Alcohol is the shrink that people go and see, to remain sane. Over a period of time it becomes the only way in which they can retain sanity. That is also one of the reasons why cure for alcoholism involves making the person talk to himself, to a therapist and to a group of alcoholics.

Finally one of the questions that always troubled me “Why would a sensible person keep drinking a liquid that makes him behave like a retard”, has been answered. He is just trying to maintain his sanity when sober.

Photo by Anton Danilov on Unsplash