Civil Society’s Open Letter to Indian Army

Dear Indian Army,

In last couple of days some questions have been raised about us “The Civil Society”. The key question being asked is Why no candle light march has been held to show support to the soldiers who recently died near LOC. Some have even pointed out what they call as an irony, that the location of our earlier candle marches i.e. Amar Jawan  Jyotic & India Gate are symbols of a nation’s gratitude towards soldiers that die in line of duty. This open letter is to answer some such questions and is to provide you some direction as to what you the army needs to do to get respect & support from us “The Civil Society”.
First of all we are sorry that 2 soldiers died. But that’s our height of sympathy towards you. Our sympathy and as a corollary our support is only for groups causes which fulfill certain criteria.

We believe by definition existence of army itself is very indication of a not very progressive society. Army exists to protect territorial integrity of the country & its sovereignty. We believe in universal brotherhood. We believe this land is of everyone, by everyone & for everyone. That’s why anybody for example a Bangladeshi should be easily able to come on this land and start occupying it. Secondly protection  of soverneighty is again a very 20th century concept. As many of civil society luminaries have already said and proven all politicians are evil, all politicians are same. And sovereignty basically means being ruled by evil Indian politicians. We believe that is no different than being ruled by equally evil Pakistani or Chinese politicians & hence its immaterial

Criteria 2: Secular
This is the most important criteria to be fulfilled. Secularism is more important than democracy, freedom or liberty. Secularism is more important that justice. There can not be greater sin than going against secularism. Pakistan as you are aware has been promoting cause of secularism for over 6 decades now and that’s not by accident. As you are perfectly aware that Pakistan was born out of secularism. We believed that it will not be secular to allow evil Yindoos to have the only country in world to be home for them. Muslims need to have their own country as well. In case you thought we were not fair with Christians you are wrong. We had let Portuguese have a christian state of their own in GOA. Hadn’t it been for these evil Yindoo RSS buggers, we would have succeeded but alas these damn RSS fellows went there and caused all the ruckus.

So you the Indian Army killing Pakistani Soldiers is absolutely against spirit of Secularism. You shouldn’t say we shouldn’t look at religion of a Pakistani…we would, as when to look at religion , caste,creed or gender is a secular prerogative vested in us. So we don’t think you are killing Pakistani soldiers, you are killing muslim soldiers which is totally against secularism. Just like we proved that Narendra Modi is not secular since he didn’t give ticket to single muslim candidate, it’s not too difficult for us to prove that you don’t have more than 20% soldiers as muslims or more than 10% as christians. So on Secularism criteria you are big FAIL.

Criteria 3: Liberal

You are a very illiberal institution. Fact that no Army Chief so far has come out of closet and proclaimed to be Gay in itself proves our point. Going beyond that some of your acts like using symbols such as Jhasi Ki Rani, Chattrapati Shivaji, Rana Pratap etc goes against basic liberal fabric. Firing against Gandhians with Guns in forests of MP, Orissa & AP is very illiberal of you.

Criteria 4 : Subject of outrage

We hold candle light vigils only when the subject of outrage is very generic social group, especially which it is a regressive social group, something like “Hindu Culture, or All Hindu Men”. In this specific scenario we can not blame these entities.Actually we can. And we would like your help. We strongly believe that at least one of the two dead soldiers was a rapist and responsible to thousands of rapes committed by Indian Army  in heaven on earth i.e. Jammu & Kashmir. We would like you to form an inquiry commission which will establish this link. As you are already aware of our slogan ” You sent victim to Singapore now send culprit to Gulf”, we believe that this rapist soldier would have been beheaded had he been sent to Gulf. So frankly we thank Pakistan army for serving the cause of justice, which Indian judiciary fails to do so often

Now after reading these 4 criteria you would whole heartedly agree with us that current episode does not demand candle light march. Actually you might have started questioning your own existence. If that happens I feel atleast 50% purpose of this letter is solved. That thought is very much in line with thoughts of Original Civil Citizen Pt Nehru who always used to question necessity of any army.

In conclusion we would also like you to subscribe certain causes which will make you worthy of our sympathy

1. Prevent Gujarat 2002 like situation – Yes. Next time for whatever reasons you see karsevaks in trains, you should take initiative of burning down all those trains.
2. Destroy all Temples – As most prominent Civil Society luminary Mr Mahesh Bhatt has mentioned, the root cause of all social evils especially rapes is hindu deities and temples. You should actively working on destroying all of them
3. Make Javed Miandaad honorary Colonel – This I hope needs no further explanation
4. Stand behind Honorable Owaisiji with your full might – If you stand  behind Owaisiji you will prove your secular credentials to fullest. Also with your might he won’t need to remove police force to wipe out 100 cr Hindus. They can be wiped out along with evil Yindoo policemen
5. Fight against evil Yindoo Tamils in Sri Lanka
6. Provide every possible help to Gandhians With Guns
7. Stop polluting environment by firing shells & guns as target practice

Hopefully you will take care of these things as most of them are low hanging fruits.

Yours Sincerely,

Indian Civil Society

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